Sensory Rescue Kit for Tiny Glimmers of Calm

What do you need right now?

A number of my one-to-one grief and life coaching clients are busy working parents who are touched by significant bereavement(s). And, I've noticed that their grief can result in their nervous systems being automatically catapulted into either a polyvagal fight-or-flight state (with cortisol and adrenaline running the show, putting them at risk of burnout) or a dorsal vagal state (where they want to withdraw from the world and hibernate like a doormouse).

All these states have their uses, but where we would love to spend most of our time is in a calm ventral vagal state of peace and ease.

So, when well-meaning people encourage us busy people to “take time out” and “do some self care”…

It's often the case that we find it impossible to find the big chunks of headspace that these kind of spa-day dreams need.

So, what I have started to do is to support clients to find the glimmers of self-care moments which help them regulate their nervous system and shift into a calmer state, without adding yet another thing onto the already endless “to-do list”.

When Old Stories Surface

But, before I share my suggestions of what goes into a sensory rescue kit…

I wanted to pause and talk about why certain experiences activate us, causing old wounds and old stories to bubble to the surface. Maybe it's a comment from a colleague that awakens the "I'm not good enough" narrative, or a disappointing situation that reinforces "these things always happen to me". And, if these thoughts aren’t bad enough… grief often intensifies these moments, making these old narratives feel even more real and overwhelming.

The important thing to note is that, when these activations happen, our nervous system responds immediately, usually before our conscious mind has even processed what's happening, let alone found a response. This is why having a sensory toolkit isn't just a nice-to-have… it's one of life’s non-negotiables. These simple practices can become your first line of defence, helping to regulate your system before old patterns take over.

Understanding Your Nervous System States

Our autonomic nervous system operates in three primary states (some people say four and include fawn, but let’s stick to the three main ones):

Fight-or-Flight: When we're stressed, grieving, or overwhelmed, our bodies go into survival mode. Our heart races, breathing becomes shallow, and we might feel anxious, irritable, or constantly on high alert. It’s likely that when we’re in this state our logical brain goes totally offline and we respond instinctively from a place of fear.

Freeze: Sometimes, when overwhelm continues, we shut down completely. We might feel numb, disconnected, or unable to take action. In our family we call this “decompression time”, but joking aside it’s important to realise that this time away from everything is really important to reset and relax.

Rest and Digest: This is our calm, connected ventral vagal state where we feel safe, present, and able to engage with others sociably and amicably. Our breathing is deeper and slower, our thinking is clearer, and our body is more relaxed and at ease. This is the ideal place we want to be when we are making decisions and interacting with others… in a rational, calm and relaxed way.

Grief and ongoing stress can keep us stuck in fight-or-flight or freeze states. The good news? Small sensory interventions can help shift us back toward balance.

The Quick Sensory Rescue Kit

In a world where we’ve never been so connected online at yet so disconnected from each other and ourselves… anything we can do quickly to bring us into the moment and help us to make calm and rational decisions is important. These sensory self-care tools take seconds to use but can create meaningful shifts in how you feel and interact with others:

Touch: Keep a small stone or crystal with an interesting texture in your pocket - run your fingers over it for 30 seconds when needed. The distinct tactile sensation can help to anchor you to the present moment. Also think about the fabrics that help to calm you… their texture and weight… for example, to help you sleep at night, think about whether a weighted blanket might help you to feel safer or a fan might help you not to overheat. Don’t forget to also think about the fabrics and touch sensations that you hate… and try to avoid them… for me this is the feeling of scratchy hay, especially in my wellies or trainers when filling nets for the horses!

Smell: Keep a portable rollerball of essential oil (peppermint, lavender or whatever is nice to you) in your bag or desk, or a mini version of your perfume or aftershave. A single deep breath of a strong scent can quickly shift your brain state. Again, don’t forget to think about the smells that you dislike, and think about how you can minimise them in your life, avoid them at key stressful times or mask them all together.

Sound: Take a 20-second listening break… for those who don’t like background noise, try noise-canceling headphones or loop earbuds. Alternatively, for those for whom music is important, think about creating playlists on your phone to activate certain moods… good beats for exercise and calming tunes for relaxation. Perhaps take a walk around the block and listen to the birdsong. Whatever is good for you, please remember that even a brief sonic retreat can reset your system.

Taste: Keep some strong mints, chewing gum, or sour candies accessible. Research shows that chewing gum can reduce cortisol levels and help manage stress responses, while strong flavours can provide immediate sensory grounding.

Sight: Take a 30-second focus on something visually pleasing (pause by the window and look out at the world, or take a peek at a special photo on your phone, or put a small comforting object on your desk that brings back happy memories and feelings). Intentional visual focus can interrupt stress spirals and bring us back into the moment, or take us away from to a “safe space” that helps our bodies to self-regulate.

Pressure: Give yourself a 10-second self-hug with firm pressure across chest and shoulders. Or, if this is a bit embarrassing in an office full of people or a classroom with peers, try the trick of simply leaning against a wall or the back of your chair. The sensation of pressure activates receptors that can release relaxation responses and ground you in a moment of chaos or stress.

Temperature: A quick cold water splash or a sip of a cold drink can create an immediate physiological reset through temperature change… I’m a big one for washing my hands in cold water and letting the feeling of the chilly water over the inside of my wrists calm me down and give me a magical moment of thinking time.

Movement: If doing 3 exaggerated shoulder rolls or 5 standing desk pushups against a wall is again a bit of an embarrassment in a busy world… try that walk around the block I mentioned above, or just climb the stairs instead of taking the lift. Brief, intentional movement helps us to release tension that is stored in our bodies. Ask my kids and they’ll tell you I’m a fan of a kitchen dance… whilst it might be a bit quirky, it’s also resetting my nervous system!

The key to all of these tips is to make them easily accessible throughout your day and to ensure that minimal preparation is required. What these illustrate is that you don't need hour-long meditation sessions to begin shifting your nervous system state… sometimes the smallest interventions can give you some meaningful and much needed relief.

Preventative Care, Not Crisis Management!

Too often, we wait until we're in crisis to seek support.

We push through, using sheer willpower until we simply can't keep going anymore. But, what if we approached our emotional wellbeing the same way we do our physical health… with regular check-ups and maintenance?

How about setting aside a few minutes now to pick your favourite ideas from those above and creating your own toolkit of sensory glimmers!?

And, whilst this sensory toolkit can be the daily maintenance, professional support offers deeper dives into what it was that activated you that needs to be processed in order to be healed and to keep your emotional system running smoothly. Together, your own toolkit and the external support, create a comprehensive approach to navigating life's inevitable challenges and troublesome moments.

Let’s start a movement where coaching, therapy, or counselling are not viewed as last resorts for when things fall apart. Instead, they are seen as essential life MOTs… preventative measures that help us identify patterns, strengthen coping skills, and build resilience before we reach crisis point.

Need More Support?

If you're navigating grief while managing family responsibilities and/or work, or you feel overwhelmed by the home and life admin, you don't have to do it alone. My one-to-one grief and life coaching sessions provide personalised support for your unique situation.

And, if you are not sure if coaching is right for you? Book a free 20-minute Discovery Call where we can discuss what you're experiencing and explore whether working together might help.

Finally, please remember, self-care isn't selfish… it's how we sustain ourselves, so we can be present for those who need us most and so we can make space to find our rainbows in this stormy world. And, preventative emotional care isn't an indulgence… it's an essential investment in your wellbeing and beneficial both to you and to everyone who depends on you.