Three Types of Sadmin®… and why they are all hard!
Have you ever heard of a PA for general life?!
At the beginning of the year I saw a post within a widows’ Facebook group asking if there was such a thing as a “PA for general life”. The bereaved person felt that they had totally lost themselves in their grief, and they were completely struggling to function.
It resonated with me because I’ve been there… at the time of writing this I’m almost ten years into widowhood, and I still clearly remember the overwhelm of staring at piles of unopened mail, knowing that it was important, but feeling paralysed to do anything about it… and the shame because I was a Wills and Probate lawyer who organised vital paperwork for others. And the truth is that still, years later, I have moments when I struggle significantly with the paperwork, even though within the last 24 hours someone called me The Sadmin Queen… and I support others to get their paperwork sorted… but I recently got a penalty myself for paying a bill late because I’d put it in the “to do” filing tray!
I don’t think we need to be bereaved to struggle with paperwork… and as for all this life admin that feels heavy and sad… I call this “Sadmin”. And, I now support others with it… using my own struggles as part of my understanding for what’s needed! I separate this into three different types of Sadmin® paperwork which are as follows…
Pre-Death Sadmin
This is the content of my Sadmin® course, it includes all the admin that we “should” (I hate that word) have in place, but which so often it falls to the bottom of the to-do list, things like:
Making your Will
Powers of Attorney
Advance Decisions
And crucially, telling people where all your bank account, insurance, pension etc information is!
Why it’s hard:
Thinking about what happens to all your assets when you die or if you get ill brings up something that people don’t talk about enough… anticipatory grief… the grief for something that may happen in the future. And I don’t think society gives compassion to this kind of grief. As a result, people are often left sitting alone in their fear, knowing what needs to be done, but feeling stuck with how to do it. And, what people don’t realise is that it is totally normal for us to find this kind of paperwork hard, even if you feel you “should” be great at organisation.
How I help…
This is why I created the Sadmin® Course - to provide the information about what needs to happen in bite-size chunks, and to break down the overwhelm into manageable steps. Although we might know what we “should” be doing, actually being able to do it are very different things, especially when you're facing your own mortality and the thought of others continuing life without you.
2. Post-Death Sadmin
This is all the paperwork we have to sort out after a person dies, so it includes:
Probate & estate admin
Closing accounts
Registering the death
Dealing with all the bureaucracy while grieving ourselves
Why it's hard:
This is potentially the hardest admin you’ve had to face, most likely at your most vulnerable moment, having lost a key person in your life. Often there is a lot of emotion and confusion and what's needed is a guiding hand and support through the maze of paperwork.
How I help…
As a former Wills & Probate solicitor, I've seen both sides of this. I helped clients navigate probate professionally, and then I lived it myself when my husband died. The difference in how it feels either side of the desk is eye opening... all the legal knowledge in the world doesn't make it easier when it's your person that’s died, your grief that’s casting a shadow over the world, and your life turned upside down.
3. Ongoing Life Admin
This is stuff that people often bring to the co-working Admin Sessions within my community, it can include absolutely anything:
Outstanding bills, insurance, pensions
Digital passwords & accounts
Home maintenance paperwork
Medical records, school forms
That pile of paper sat on the side in the kitchen or the hall (we all have that "doom pile" somewhere - even if it's hidden in a drawer!)
Why it's hard: When you're grieving or if you are neuro-spicey, everything can feel overwhelming and supposedly "normal" tasks can become monumental.
The 'doom pile' is real for most of us… but if you're neurodivergent (or what I call 'neuro-spicy'), that pile can feel like an unsurmountable mountain. Executive functioning problems, plus grief, plus admin… it all equals a perfect storm of 'I know I should, but I just can't'… and then the shame and guilt starts spiralling in our minds.
How to get it done!
If you're struggling with any of this, please first know that what you are feeling is totally normal. You are imperfectly human, and you don't have to do it alone. This is one of the reasons I've created my Sorted & Supported Space community… to be the support I wish I had… and to provide my unique therapeutic mix of both practical and emotional support.
Here's what I've learned after 10 years of widowhood and helping hundreds of people with their Sadmin:
You don't have to do this alone.
Struggling with any admin while grieving isn't a character flaw… it’s not your mind that’s broken, it’s your heart. Whatever you need, there are different types of support and ways I can support you:
Structured guidance (the Sadmin® Course for pre-death planning)
Body-doubling accountability and ongoing support with people who get it (found within my Sorted & Supported Space community)
Or just someone to tell you that you're not broken and who can help you to find your own answers inside of you (one-to-one therapy sessions)
I also go into organisations to speak from the heart about what it’s like on both sides of the desk… to increase grief awareness and to help you to provide better support to both your employees and your clients (through my speaking and workshops)
If you listen to your own responses, you’ll know which type of Sadmin you are struggling with right now. I'm interested to know… which type of Sadmin® are you struggling most with at the moment? And what's the one next step you could take towards getting it done?
And, the question I would love you to ask yourself is… what's one small step you could take this week towards being a little bit more organised?
Please remember that sorted doesn't mean perfect… sometimes it just means a little bit less overwhelming than yesterday!
Sending you so much love,
Emma x
P.S. If you want to tackle your Sadmin® with support please think about joining my community, buying my course, or exploring your emotions in one-to-one therapy.